Goin' Country: Homesick

The closer we get to the end of the school year the more I miss home. All I want to do is be home again with my family and friends and it seems like it will never get here. The other night after talking to some of my family I lost it and cried for an hour. Poor Allen didn't know what to do with me. I know we were here for a reason and we were meant to be here, and I'm not sure if we've fulfilled that purpose or not completely but there is nothing I want more than to get back home. I know in a couple weeks or so of being home I'll start missing the people here and wishing we were back, but home is where we belong. This is the first semester we haven't been able to go home and I didn't think it would affect me like it has. I normally don't get homesick and I am fine, but holy cow. Another thing I have been really struggling with has been keeping my thoughts positive. It's making me crazy because I've been working so hard on having a good attitude. I've never had a huge problem with being negative until the last couple weeks and it feels like its an actual struggle not to let stupid things bother me. I'll be honest I felt a ton better after reading my brother in law's sisters blog, she just moved to Kansas a few months ago and guess what she blogged a couple days ago..... "One thing I've noticed here in our new land is my battle between negative and positive thoughts. It is ongoing, and it affects every day. Hoping to come off victor!" Not that I'm glad she's having the same problem, I just know what a cheerful person she is and knowing that someone like that can struggle with it too makes me feel more normal. To top things off the last week I've been having dreams about family and friends from home almost every night. And then I wake up still in Oklahoma. There are 45 days until graduation. I can make it 45 days.

Just to clarify, I am glad we moved out here. Allen and I both felt like this is where we needed to be and things worked out perfectly to get us here so I don't regret leaving home. It has strengthened our relationship and helped build a foundation for our marriage and I'm grateful for that. We have made some amazing friends and been blessed beyond what we deserve. As an example, the other day we were going over some of our finances. I have been working for the school part time but besides what Allen wins at rodeos that's the only job either of us have. On a good week, I'll get somewhere between 15 and 20 hours in for minimum wage which amounts to just under $1000 since December. Allen has won around $3000 so far this year, but when we were going over our finances somehow we have had about double that since the beginning of the year. That is amazing. I'm not sharing this because I want to brag or show off, it's really personal information that I normally would keep to myself, but I just know we are being taken care of by our Heavenly Father. I don't know how to describe the love I feel from my Heavenly Father. I don't deserve it but He blesses us more than I could ever imagine, and it's sad to think that most of the time we don't even notice or pay attention to the things He does for us. One of the biggest blessings right now is comfort. When I am homesick or feeling alone I always have His comfort. He makes me strong.

This seems like a very drama filled post, so to end on a positive note:
“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”
― Abraham Lincoln

"Enjoy every single moment. The good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly, the inspiring, the not-so-glamerous moments and THANK GOD THROUGH IT ALL!"